I was raised on cornfields and teacups,
It was 1985 I was alive it was
The ripping of pillows,
Thick squares falling from their places in the world

You ask me when it was

When I decided to stop calling you
Emailing you always always
Pursue, ravenous, a monster
Awaiting for its kill
To shudder nervously as it breathes

I was leaning over the water and I felt you there,
Next to me, infinitely full of heat, and I thought you
Understood my need to feel small again
And when I told you that I had an obsession
With ocean you said but why,
there\'s nothing there

And maybe if you can\'t see
Who I am you won\'t see who I was
You will never see the reflection in the water
Running, running,
I came out screaming and I\'ve been caught in fish netting
Two years is too long
Wanting to hold conversations about cooking Mediterranean
And Zen Buddhism and you\'ll never know
You say I\'m interesting and yet you never bother
To call to write and you wonder where it ended

It ended then. Your fingers fingering my bra straps
As if they were strings holding medals, something
To be conquered, won.

It ended then
When you spoke about being unequipped to deal
With emotional complexities despite having
An excessive amount of your own
(And she screams, cope with your problems
before you kiss the first girl who comes along,
veins intoxicated with imagery vodka that pulses
through her system and rages, rages, rages,
in drunken beauty)
On the bed, it was
Florence, Rome, in March

And you saw something in me
I would have died to see reflected
But all you noticed when you looked down
Was the colour blue.